Kory's Wanderlust Adventures

Today I took one step closer to saying goodbye to my family farm. It is actually feeling real. I close in about 5 days! My feelings are all over the place as I sit here tonight, by the fire, snow on the ground. Happiness, excitement, fear, dread, worry; you name it, I’m feeling it.

Happiness. Happiness is something we have to create for ourselves. It took me a long time to realize that. You hear people say it but, it’s not as easy as it sounds. I’m happy and beyond blessed to have the freedom and means to live my life on my own terms for the first time!

Excitement and fear, they go hand in hand for me. I’m excited by the things that I’m afraid of. I’m excited and scared to start a brand new chapter, on my own. It’s empowering and terrifying! I am afraid of failing. There are so many people in my life that are expecting that. I may not have the best track record but, I’ve learned from my mistakes and I feel I am wiser for it.

Dread and worry. I dread the feelings that I could feel when it’s all said and done and all of the closing is complete. I worry because, as it stands, I technically have nowhere of my own to go until the money from the sell hits my bank. It could be the same day but, it will just depend on timing. Luckily, I can stay here a little longer, next door in my old mobile home with my cousin until I purchase my motorhome.

I also feel sadness. I have a 14 year old son. He has chosen to live with his Dad full time which, I get boys wanting to be with their dad’s at that age. Although taking off in an RV has been a dream of mine for some time, it was just that. A dream. I had my son 50/50 and I wasn’t going anywhere. When he moved out to stay with his dad, I would see him a couple nights every other weekend, if that. I talked with his dad about moving somewhere an hour or two away. Then my dream popped back into my head. I’m sad I can’t take him with me to explore but, I will be back once or twice a month to spend time with him, so it really won’t be much different than it is with me living in the same town. Plus there’s always summer vacation too!

Despite being all in my feels tonight, I’m still in a great mood. The excitement and good outweighs the bad.

Why am I all in my feels? We moved all the furniture out except the couch, a tv that’s on a folding table, my work desk and computers, and a lamp. As I sit here typing this, looking around at the emptiness that surrounds me, I don’t see the past. When I look around, I see the future and what it could be. I see and feel happiness.